I Feel Like We Live in a Bat Cave

Today we finished the fourth and final round of the rabies vaccine, and I am SO thankful it is over!  We have shied away from the normal (aggressive) vaccine schedule because of concern over the potentially harmful side effects (from definitively harmful ingredients), and so giving these tiny children such an intense vaccine has been incredibly hard on me.  Stressful, scary, emotionally trying, a huge exercise in trusting God.

All this trauma is due to bats.  Ridiculous bats who think the foam ceiling in our big "red room" is a great place to call home.  The house we currently live in is old, and not well-built, and has holes and crevices everywhere...and so we've had a lot of problems with critters of all kinds.  We first were introduced to the bat problem last November, but we were able to catch the bat and remove it, and didn't see more for several months.  We heard them in the ceiling, but assumed it was mice.  We now know better.

this is how I envision the space between the ceiling and the roof!

The bats, of course, decided that the perfect time to reintroduce themselves was during the 2 1/2 weeks that Owen was overseas and I was home alone with the children.  And they opted for the big-impact introduction by waking me at 3am flying low circles over my head.  I think there were two, but honestly, I'm just not sure; it was pretty disorienting and I woke in a frenzy!  The baby had been nursing, and so, of course, was lying next to me.

Over the next couple weeks, they continued to come out at night, flying circles through the house, but also seeking me out specifically as if to taunt me or stake their claim on this living space.  I would immediately follow them to try to catch them, but they always disappeared into thin air.  One night, I was successful in locating their nest entrance, which is in the corner of the ceiling above Owen's office...where he often works at night...c  r  e  e  p  y...

I was grossed out, for sure, and dedicated to finding a resolution to the problem.  However, until several people raised concerns about our health and safety, I have to admit I hadn't really thought about that.  I started researching about interactions with bats, and grew increasingly alarmed at what I read!  The rabies scare was especially alarming.  So, I decided it would be best to just go to the doctor to talk it over, but our regular family doctor doesn't deal with rabies cases, so they referred us to the ER.  I felt silly going to the ER for something that may not even be an issue, but we went with it--better safe than sorry, right?

why are these guys so cute??

The ER had to call the Health Department, and the director there had to interview me about our situation to determine our need (because they help pay for the vaccines)...They determined that we should get the vaccine to be safe, because:

Bats are huge carriers of rabies.  Bat bites and scratches can be completely indiscernible, and can occur while you're sleeping without you even knowing.  By the time symptoms of rabies start to appear (anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months), it's too late to treat, and it's always fatal.  Since the disease attacks your nervous system, there is no test that can determine if you have it, except post-mortem.  Therefore, the vaccine is recommended to anyone, especially children, who have found bats in their room while sleeping...I also read somewhere (not sure of the source) that bat feces, if handled, can cause paralysis and sudden death, and we do have their droppings around...But on the other side, it's an intense vaccine that carries a risk of neurological damage.

how I think of bats right now, haha

I really struggled with this decision.  It seemed like an impossible decision, like a gamble with my children's lives!  How can I choose between death or permanent handicap?  I lose them either way.  Obviously, that is a worst-case-scenario mindset...It's possible the bats we have in our house don't have rabies.  It's also possible that the bats never touched any of us.  We just don't know.  So after much wrestling, and frantic calls for support, I knew I couldn't bear to live the next 6 months in fear, not knowing if one day one (or more) of my children would show symptoms of rabies, and die painfully before my eyes with me being helpless to do anything.  Every cough or sniffle or headache from here on out would have me paralyzed with fear...I couldn't do it.  We placed ourselves in God's hands and have been praying like madmen that He will protect us from any adverse reactions.  So far, we've all seemed well, until tonight, when poor Soren kept waking from sleep screaming and writhing in pain, unable to be comforted!  The kids get the same dose as I do, so I can only imagine how it's affecting their little bodies!

I'm scared.  I feel helpless.  It's my job to protect these little treasures, and it's killing me that I can't!  And so God is teaching me the hard way, that I must trust that He loves them more and He is able to protect them.  I must, not out of legalism, to merely obey the command to "trust in the Lord;" I must, because it's the only way I will survive.  Surely the One who grew their bodies one cell at a time and breathed the life into their bodies is able to protect and sustain them.  His call to trust and faith, I'm realizing in my need, is less an order and more a kindness--a promise that He is able and willing to help.  I'm trying to remember that my awareness of the danger doesn't change His power to protect us.  He knows, even when I do not; He knew the bats were there long before I had any idea, and He protected us all along, before I knew to pray. 

Inspiration in the Mundane

As I was driving home from errands today, passing by some distant neighbors on our road, I saw the coolest thing:

An old man in his wheelchair, in the middle of his yard, weed-whacking!

It was so inspirational to me, because probably most elderly people (or even younger people) who are confined to wheel chairs would think to themselves, "I can't do that," and leave it to someone else.  And that would be totally justifiable!  Who knows what his story is, but he was determined to not be confined or limited by his circumstances, and that is exceptional. 

I wanted to stop and cheer him on with a "Way to go!"...then wondered if I should instead offer to help...but with 3 tired kids in the car and 2 of them crying and a trunk full of perishable groceries, I resigned to cheer silently from behind the tinted windows of my minivan...re-inspired to be creative in the difficulties I face. 

The Moon's Best Friend

Goodness, it's been a long break!  So many life changes have kept me perpetually reeling and frantically trying to keep from drowning, let alone keep up!  Here's to another try at keeping this up!  (Birth story is coming soon!)

. . . 

Last night, we were driving home from a visit to the grandparents.  It was dark, and hot--so hot!--and the sky was clear with just a few clouds hovering at the perimeter of the horizon.  We watched God's fireworks as we drove--lightning of various colors and intensities flashing across the sky ahead and around us.  But the sky above was clear, and the moon was bright, and the stars were twinkling.  As the storm drew closer to us and we to it, we found ourselves pummeled under torrential downpours of beating rain, and temperatures cooled--praise God!! And the moon glimmered from behind the storm clouds.

Then, when we had passed through the rain, we could see the stark edge of the dark storm cloud, still flashing intermittent lightening; and directly next to the storm cloud gleamed the bright, clear, calm moon.  I wish I could have taken a picture...It was like the storm cloud and the moon were old pals, just hanging out enjoying the evening together.  The moon, at any rate, did not let the chaos and turbulence of the storm affect its calmness and peacefulness.  At times it was hidden by darkness; at times it was diffused and shrouded by clouds; at times it was crisp and clear.

The image of it just struck me so profoundly, though. How the storms of life, no matter how frightening or torrential they may be, are nothing more than a shroud preventing our eyes from seeing God's goodness.  His goodness never ceases.  The moon was unphased by the storm because the moon is above the storm...just as God is above the storms we face, and unphased by them.  His peace reigns supreme in chaos, and we can share that peace by trusting His goodness even when we can't see it.

In church, the pastor exhorted: "Never make the mistake of thinking that God not answering is God not being sovereign."  He gave the example of Joseph, how for years life just kept getting harder and harder for him, and it seemed God had deserted him.  But all the while, God was preparing him for a position in which he could save thousands of lives, including his own family, who had left him for dead.  He probably felt so abandoned and forgotten by God...useless...his life and his dreams wasted...promises of God failed...perhaps even questioning what he'd done wrong to deserve such punishment...But look what happened--overnight he went from prison-mate to prince.

Many of us are so familiar with Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"  He just doesn't say how long it might take to get there or which paths we'll have to tread.  I keep forgetting that that is what faith is for...

Some Thoughts on Easter Week

Happy Easter, all! 

The power and meaning of this day is unsurpassed--Christ is victorious, death is defeated!  What could be more important for souls doomed for eternal death, than the offer of eternal life?  And only for the cost of surrender. 

Last week, on Palm Sunday, the pastor of the church we attended discussed, "What is the meaning of Palm Sunday?"  I realized, and am ashamed to admit, that I never really thought about that (and I'm a Bible school graduate!)--it's always just been a fun time to wave palm branches around!  I was eager to hear his answer, and deeply moved by it.  Here it is, the true meaning of Palm Sunday:

"Before Jesus did what he said he would do, people acknowledged who he was."

I don't know about you, but this statement is powerful for me.  How often in my life do I falter in faith because I have to wait (heaven forbid!) for God to fulfill a promise, and I get all complainy and accuse God of not caring for me, and all other sorts of childish reactions.  Palm Sunday is about people believing in Jesus' claim and promise that he was the Messiah who would save them, before he had proven himself true, and asking in hope for him to fulfill his promise.  They cried, "Save us now, Victorious One!" 

The life of faith is all about this: Before we see it done, we declare it and we receive it. 

And today, on Easter Sunday, we remember that he did.  He did what he said he would do, as terrible as it was.  He is the Victorious One who has saved us.  May my faith increase as I wait on him to fulfill his other promises to me!

What's In A Church

Due to our frequent moving, it seems like we're on a perpetual church hunt.  It's fairly wearisome for us, for several reasons:

• Once we find a church we like and make connections with people, it's hard and sad to leave.
• Church hopping takes a lot of energy to research and plan where to go, followed by weeks of disappointment and eventual discouragement if we'll ever find a place to belong.
• It can be discouraging to see how widespread mediocrity, lukewarmness, and apathy are in the Church; it is amazingly hard to find a spiritually vibrant church, and we've been to A LOT.  This statement has been true for us in every location we've lived; it does not single out any particular geographic area.    
• It's harder with kids, because even if we find a church that we (the parents) like, it's often not a good fit for the kids, and visa versa.  
• We always have to revisit the question, "What is important to us in a church?"  This question is loaded, and usually takes us some time to figure out.    

We both tend to prefer the Episcopal tradition of church: Owen was raised in it, and I have grown to deeply appreciate the reverence, the tradition, the focus on Scripture, the congregational involvement in readings and prayers, and I also really love hymns!  A good Episcopal church, to me, seems very in tune with what church was like in antiquity.  The trouble we find, however, is that many churches in this denomination consist of a handful of elderly members just taking life easy in their comfortable pews...Now, there's nothing wrong with the elderly people!  They are always very kind and welcoming!  My point is more that the churches seem to be dying rather than thriving.  And, we also would like the opportunity to connect with people of all ages, including our own, and for our kids to not make up the entire Sunday School class.

a dying church (this picture seemed funny to me, I couldn't resist!)

In our recent search, we have been coming across all the same frustrations and were beginning to lose heart, until we did a Google search for "cool churches in (our current region)."  And, boy, did Google come through!  We found the coolest church ever, where the worship service is like a concert, complete with lights and smoke; the announcements are done via hip video; the kids' area has a giant built-in tree jungle gym; there's a fancy, staffed coffee shop in the foyer, along with leather couches and all kinds of "cool" things.

This photo is of the actual church I am discussing...so cool.

Our first time there, we kind of brushed it off as an over-the-top mega church that was more focused on the production of church than the meaning of it...But, the pastor's sermon was really good, so we went back...And again.  We've been there 3 times now, and we think we're going to stay, and here's why:

• First and foremost, beyond all the fanfare, this church is undeniably and unashamedly Bible-based and Spirit-driven.  There are no feel-good, easy messages, but always (ok, always in the 3 times we've been there!) words straight from God's Word leading to conviction and spiritual sharpening without condemnation.  And, it doesn't hurt that these messages are delivered in an interesting manner (boring or disorganized deliveries tend to distract us from the message behind it).  We come away feeling like we met God, and are excited to go back. 
• They're involved in their community and the world in ways that seem to really matter.  So, they practice what they preach.    
• The people are really friendly!  This aspect is so important and often overlooked.  It's amazing that even in such a large church, we are never allowed to disappear in the crowd--someone is always singling us out. 
• There are lots of kids!  And a healthy variety of people of all ages, including our own.  In addition, the kids' area is set up really nicely and the Sunday School helpers are kind (something you would expect yet is not always the case).  

So, for this phase of our lives, we're bidding adieu to traditional, liturgical church and embracing the cool, modern church.  Because that's where we found God's presence.  And that's what really matters.

Maintaining and Waiting

Okay, so life has been a little out-of-control busy for us for the last several months, so unfortunately the blog had to take a back burner.  I'm going to try to be more diligent now...

The exciting news in our lives right now is the much-anticipated and imminent birth of our third baby!  He is due immediately, and has been teasing us for weeks with the anticipation of an earlier arrival, and yet is still holding on tight to his comfortable little world.  In general, we are content to wait until he's ready; we certainly don't wish to force away from him his last few precious days in my womb, to which he can never return.  However, as I mentioned, he's also been teasing us for this whole month with various signs of impending labor, then retracting as if nothing happened.  The continued anticlimactic anticipation has been leaving us emotionally weary and confused, not to mention extra ready for him to come NOW!  We are just so excited to meet this little guy!

The other challenge I am having is the daily face-off with my nesting instinct.  Over the last several weeks, we've been crazy trying to get everything ready for baby: there were projects to accomplish, rooms to paint, baby gear to clean, and birth supplies to prepare, not to mention the usual housecleaning and home maintenance.  And nesting sometimes means needing things done that seem unnecessary to others!  For about two weeks we've had everything in satisfactory condition--by no means have we accomplished everything we would like, but at least the necessary things--and have been focusing on maintaining.  Daily we endeavor to keep our home and ourselves in optimal condition for the onset of labor, assuming it could happen at any moment.  We feel it is especially important since we are having a home birth and will be welcoming various different people into our home for assistance during the birth.

Our home needs to be clean.  Our bodies need to be rested.  Our supplies and preparations need to be ready.  This sort of maintaining is surprisingly draining (perhaps mostly mentally) and takes a great amount of effort!  To continually be ready takes a plan, great focus, dedication, consistency, and patience.  It takes effort to refuel dashed excitements.  And it takes the strength to overcome discouraging thoughts when your readiness is not rewarded.

This focus on being continually ready has been making me think quite a bit about Matthew 25 and the Parable of the Ten Virgins, where Jesus exhorts us to "keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour" (Matt. 25:13).  Just like this baby, we know Jesus' coming is imminent, but we don't know when.  We must keep ourselves continually ready by developing a plan, focus, dedication, consistency, and patience, and the strength to overcome discouragement.  It's hard.  It's really hard.  But we know that soon our diligence will be rewarded!

Nondescript

There's nothing much to report, and no new ideas in my head; I just thought I should try to post more consistently, and so here I am...

We're still just hobbling along, working out how to survive in the place in life we find ourselves.  We're still in the thick of conquering house and boxes, making progress at a deafeningly slow speed.  I find it a bit sad--we've been here for a month, and I've actually cooked dinner only 3 times.  I just take comfort that, considering the state of our house, 3 times is awfully amazing! 

Some good news:  Owen got a job!  It's a temporary job that doesn't pay quite what we need, but it's something to get us through until something better comes along. 

Tonight we went on a dark night exploration outside, with only flashlights and the stars to guide us.  The kids were brave explorers through the dark field beyond our house, and were eager to find bats and monsters.  However, they wisely suggested we wait until daylight to explore the huge, creepy barn (which is locked with heavy chains...and yet Owen may have found a way in?).  Swarms of real bats just aren't as much fun as a pretend single bat...and we all know that bats exist on these grounds!  Safita brought along her lights-and-sounds Percy the train toy, because he has a (tiny and insignificant) light--but very smart on her part.  When we heard a real train blow its whistle on the not-so-distant tracks, she "toot-tooted" Percy's whistle right back at it, to say hello. 

Our little Baby Blue is still as active as ever.  The kids both seem to have come around to the idea of a boy.  Jack doesn't contradict the baby's gender anymore, but he does often say, "After we have a baby boy, then our next baby will be a girl."  And Safita is just in love with the idea of a baby, period!  Every time we talk about "the baby," she'll exclaim, "Baby BOOYYY!"  Her most recent favorite game is pretending Jack is a baby; she holds him on her lap, rocks him, and covers him in hugs and kisses.  He graciously plays along and does a very good job imitating a baby.  Jack likes to snuggle next to me on the couch and wrap his arm across my belly to try to feel the baby, and he'll ask me all sorts of questions about the baby and this whole pregnancy process.  They both are very sweet. 

We're all sorting and re-sorting through our list of boy names, which has been more of a challenge this time around.  With the other two, we just knew...And this time around, we were 100% prepared for twin girls (at least in the name department), but a boy--I don't know.  We have ideas and names we like, but so far nothing strikes us (or should I say, me) as being right.  I feel like throughout the pregnancy I start to get a feel for who this little person is inside me, and some names seem right and some don't.  I also find great importance in the meanings of names, but the names whose meanings fit this child are not our favorites, and the names that ARE our favorites have meanings that don't seem to fit this child.  What to do?  Well, a name is important, so we're praying for direction. 

Wishing you all a blessed week!