The American Dream, or the American Idol?

I have to say up front:  It is hard and stressful and, sometimes, downright impossible being destitute.

Destitute in an American sense, that is--where we can live well below the poverty line but still have a home and a car and everything that we truly need to survive. 

It's painful to write about our struggles; it's embarrassing to admit that we're struggling to even survive...But as miserable as it can be and as desperately as I hope this time to be over, God is teaching my heart some beautiful things through it, and I feel like I should share it...

Often, when we face difficult circumstances, we buckle down and try to hold on, to just "white-knuckle" it until we get through.  But that response is a form of self-dependence, and causes us to miss out on God-dependence.  Hard times--I'm starting to get it through my thick skull!--are like a personal invitation from God for us to come, sit, be still, and see His greatness.  To sit and watch in awe and wonder the power He wants to work in our lives.  If you've ever watched the Northern Lights dance across the night sky--so stunning, so amazing--I imagine it like that.  It's scary to let go--I know!  I'm your classic holder-on-er do-it-myself-er!

But even if we let go, He never lets go of us!

And it frees us to stand in awe of Him, to let Him work something more beautiful than we could have, and to well up our hearts with an overwhelming fountain of praise.

Our battle is not just against our own selves, however.  The enemy knows he is not as powerful as God, and so he tries to feed us lies about God. 
Is God really good?
Does God love us?
What have we done to deserve this?
God doesn't care about us...
The list is endless!

After 2 years of full-time job-hunting, in any field, across the globe, even being denied positions at fast food and factory and gas station companies, while many faithful Christians are praying for us...and the insecurity requiring frequent uprooting...we have fallen into discouragement about God's provision for us.  I wish we were stronger.  I guess we just got tired, and then confused, and then the lies started to sound too good to our sore hearts, and it got easier to entertain them.

For me, personally, one of the main lies I have entertained is that I have done something wrong or not been good enough, and this unending hardship is God's punishment for my spiritual failures, and it will continue until I can figure it out and get myself together.  It's so easy to believe sometimes!

But as our pastor stated today, "God is not a mafia boss!"  He doesn't come around checking to see if you've paid what you owed or behaved in the right manner, and beat you if you haven't!  He doesn't work like that.  The good news is, we KNOW that we've failed!  We fail every day of our lives, and there's no way we'll ever live up to God's standard.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Yeah, that doesn't sound like good news at all.  But it is, because it means that our hope is not in our own goodness.  Our hope is in God's greatness!  The fundamental mistake is to begin with ourselves and not God--all of life, all of everything, begins and ends with God.  It's not about us at all.

We often think--and it's so easy to--that we build up a moral rapport with God, and He is then obliged to bless us.  The reverse of that is that He will punish us if we are less than perfect.  In reality, we are morally bankrupt, and only Jesus offers us a perfect record, if we will merely accept His grace!

So, back to that American dream...It's kind of what I've been chasing and worshiping in my heart.  It's what I dream of to keep myself going each day, and I think, "When my husband has a job, and we have a home, and we can afford to pay our bills and provide good things for our children--THEN, everything will be okay."  I have idolized money, comfort, worldly security.  I am looking to things to save us.

Another thing our pastor said today that really struck a chord with me is this: "People get discouraged because they're chasing their idols, and come to church to learn how to pray in order to get their idol...They leave rejuvenated, but through the week get discouraged again because it didn't work, after all, and come back the next week to get another 'dose'...But make Christ your treasure, and the stuff won't matter!" 

It's not about the stuff.  You can have the stuff or not have the stuff.  God loves us and wants to give us good things, but it's our hearts that matter, and making sure our priorities are right. 

Prosperity in Poordom

Being poor is hard.  

Especially when it's something new to learn.  I was blessed to be raised in a home that lacked nothing of need.  But since marrying a PhD student, then having a child, then having a second child, and raising a family of four on...well...basically no income...I've been learning the hard way that it takes great finesse and resourcefulness to learn how to be effectively poor.  It also takes steely resolve and self-control.  It's hard on one's personal pride to not be self-sufficient, and to not be in a position to contribute to society. 

resourcefulness

(Disclaimer: I use the word "poor" in the sense of being in the lower end of the "financial well-being" scale in the U.S., according to tax brackets and the federal poverty line.  In a global sense, I know that we are quite well off; we have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and clothes to wear.) 

But...Being poor has some great advantages, I’ve discovered, and here are a few of them: 

• It forces you to be creative and crafty.  When you don't have, adapt!  I felt so proud the other day when a 6-year-old girl admired how we create things we need but don't have from things we DO have.  And I thought, maybe we're doing something right.
• It inspires original art—if you can’t afford a beautiful painting, then take an idea and make it yourself, or create your own idea!  The beautiful thing about art is that it's subjective, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  (Art critics, don't jump down my throat!!)  I can't wait to get home and do fun painting projects with the kids. 
• It forces you to learn new things that you may never have otherwise pursued.  When you can't afford various professional services, you learn a lot of valuable skills.
• It helps you discover obscure interests that you would only find on the “hidden” pathway of need.  For instance, needing a job helped me discover that I really like accounting--something in college I thought I wouldn't enjoy.  (Too bad I realized it too late!)
• Having less helps you discover more, to broaden your horizons & try more varieties of things. 
• It helps you to not become too comfortable in your own little world.  
• It helps you appreciate nature.  Nature provides great recreation, free of charge.
• It helps you become savvy, to seek out those free hidden treasures. 
• It encourages better eating…to a point: It is cheaper to make a meal from scratch, but fresh foods can be expensive.  
• It pushes you beyond your inhibitions of what you think is possible, or what you think you're capable of.  It helps you realize new depths of inner strength.  
• It clarifies which things in life are truly important and necessary, and which are for convenience.
• It encourages--demands--dependance on God for daily needs, and gives opportunity for receiving His amazing care and answers to prayer. 

I still want to live like we're in a higher station; it's a daily struggle, and a fair struggle.  I think it's good to want to improve your station in life, to aspire to live without fear of "how are we going to make it through another month?"  This stage of life is not comfortable.  But it is good.  We’ve never been without the things we truly need...only learned that there are things we think we need because we've become so accustomed to them.  We are struggling, but striving to prosper in the struggle, and take advantage of the rich lessons to be learned.

I know we're not alone in this...What have the rest of you learned from your hardships?