Along the Road

I've grown weary of fretting over my own mediocrity (whether real or imagined), and with some timely encouragement and much prayer, have come up with a plan of action! The plan has already been implemented, and is already bearing much fruit!

So here it is, The Plan of Action:

1) To stop, and be still.

Stop kicking, screaming, and fighting against God.  He loves us, He desires what's best for us, and He has a reason for placing us in each circumstance, right here and right now.

Be still, and know that I am God.  (Ps. 46:10)

I all too often fall into the trap of thinking that to be a valuable and useful human being, I must be constantly doing something, being productive, helping everyone with everything...If anything in the world needs to get done, then I must do it, or the world will simultaneously fall to pieces and despise my laziness.  You get the point.  This mindset is for sure stressful, and perhaps also deceptively prideful?  

But it seems to be a theme throughout Scripture that that is not what God desires of us...and in fact is the opposite of what He desires of us.  I could list numerous Bible verses, but I'll leave you to do your own studies :).  It helps me to think in terms of my own children: They need my help, and I desire to give it to them--in fact, it brings me great joy to help them!  But it's so much easier and enjoyable to help them when they are still and let me help them; when they fight and resist--albeit playfully--I still want to help them, but just simply can't.

He has showed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.  (Micah 6:8)

Notice how none of God's requirements for us involve doing--but they all involve being...being people of character, regardless of what we do.

2) To train my heart to chase after God.

I recently was convicted of a muddled and confused mindset I've had...something that seems so right and good, but is deceptively selfish...which is that inspirational call to "Chase your dreams!  Dream big!  Reach for the stars!" etc...I'm not saying this goal is bad in and of itself.  I'm just saying that God convicted me of placing my dreams before Him, and reminded me that what I really need is to chase God, and let Him fill me with the dreams He has for me, and let Him fulfill those dreams.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  (Matt. 6:33)
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.  (Ps. 37:4)

The trouble for me in chasing my own dreams is that it simply makes me grumpy, frustrated, and self-centered.  I could write a list a mile long of all the dreams I have for myself, but no matter how hard I strive to attain them, they always remain just far enough out of reach to keep me perpetually disheartened.  And really, when I examine them, those dreams are all very earthly-focused and have no lasting value, and the efforts to attain them sacrifice the things that are lastingly important--like investing myself in my children, for instance.  I get grumpy because I can't do what I try so hard to do, I get frustrated because I think I should be able to do it, and I get self-centered because I think it's my right to enjoy the happiness of achieving my dreams and anyone or anything that gets in the way of that "right" suddenly owes me my entire life's happiness; it's a terrible, misplaced "martyr syndrome."   I must admit, it's very embarrassing to admit this struggle, but I do because I'm encouraged with what God is teaching me. 

3) To get my priorities straight!

Priorities are a struggle for me, because EVERYTHING seems to be critically important, and I get lost and overwhelmed in the great Sea of Responsibility.  And then, of course, I do nothing, and am worse off than before.

A respected spiritual mentor recently spoke to me about this issue, and gave me a very practical list of priorities that is so simple to remember:

1. Love God.
2. Love my spouse.
3. Love my children.

Anything beyond this is extra, and great if I can handle it...But if I'm not loving God (and all that that entails), then I shouldn't do a single other thing until that relationship is put right.  Ditto with spouse and children. It's also a good reminder for me that my children do not supersede my husband, which is something I often forget because he seems so self-sufficient, and they so needy.  But we have experienced firsthand how everything and everyone suffers when these priorities get out of whack. 

Another truth that has revolutionized my current life: Any needs that come my way that fall outside of these 3 priorities--it's okay to say NO!  It's very hard for me to say no, and this unfortunate trait causes me often to feel overburdened.  It has helped me immensely to be reminded recently about such requests: "It's not a burden, it's a decision."  So, if I say no to you in the future, don't take offense--I'm just trying to keep my priorities straight!

4) Take action!

Yes, this part of the plan does seem to contradict Step 1, but it doesn't, really.   This is the part where resting in God meets being obedient to do the things He asks of me, which fall directly in line with that list of priorities.

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled...  (1 Pet. 1:13)

My "action" list involves consistent time with God, regular dates with hubby, making sure I play with the kids each day in addition to caring for their needs, praying with Owen each night about the goals we should have for the next day, regularly getting to bed at a decent hour, and getting healthy with exercise and good nutrition.

The action plan, however, must be kept in strict check from perfectionism.  Perfectionism is definitely one of the biggest vices that tempts me to feel discouraged and give up.  I don't do all of this perfectly every day; honestly, it's good if I accomplish one or two of these things each day.  The truth is, I'm learning, that any step forward--no matter how big or small or consistent--is still a step forward, and should be applauded!  A perfect day is a good day, and a good day is one in which I tried.  The only perfection God requires of us is His own. 

So there it is.  These are just some things I'm learning along the road...

Community

I've been thinking about the value of community lately...The thought was sparked by my recent dollar store incident (see last post), and more fully developed by a verse someone shared with me today. 

I've grown up thinking it was good and preferable to always be strong and be able to take care of myself and to be able to do all things that I need by myself and to always have everything together...basically, to be more or less completely self-reliant.  Asking for help always seemed like a weakness, and--understandably--has always been very hard for me to do.  On the plus side, this mode of thinking has encouraged me to learn and pursue things that I never would have otherwise, and so has broadened my talents and interests.  However, over the last several years, I've been gradually beginning to think that maybe the island life isn't really the best, after all. 

The recent dollar store incident (see previous post) caused me to think about the value of other people in our lives who act as a check and balance--whether it's someone close who serves as a mentor and accountability partner, or if it's a stranger who points out a blind spot.  What kind of arrogance makes me feel like I alone know what's best for my kids?  I mean, God has given me that sacred responsibility to raise and nurture them, and I embrace that responsibility wholeheartedly!  But, we've all heard it said, "It takes a village to raise a child," and I think there's wisdom there. 

• It's good for a child to learn to respect adults other than his/her own parents.
• It's good for parents to glean wisdom from other parents' experiences.
• It's good for the young to learn from those who are older and wiser.  
• It's good for the old to learn from the young who have not lost their childlike faith.
• It's good for all of us to interact with those who are different from us, and maybe to glean valuable nuggets from a different way of life or a different perspective.
• And, equally importantly, it's good for parents of young children to have a break now and then, to rejuvenate their own spirits.  

That last point ties in with the verse someone shared with me today.  As I mentioned above, I tend to feel like it is required of me, as a capable human being, to do everything myself and not to burden others by asking for help.  I guess I tend to think that it's selfish of me to ask someone else to do something for me, or am afraid that they will feel burdened, or feel like I am failing my God-given responsibility to pass off tasks for which I am responsible.  Or something. 

So here's that verse:
Exodus 18:13-18  "The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening.  When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, 'What is this you are doing for the people?  Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?'  Moses answered him, 'Because the people come to me to seek God's will.  Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God's decrees and laws.'  Moses' father-in-law replied, 'What you are doing is not good.  You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out.  The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone."  Moses' father-in-law went on to instruct him that he should teach the people all of God's decrees and laws, and then select capable and trustworthy men to serve as judges, so that only the difficult cases would be brought to Moses.

I felt floored when this verse was shared with me.  Not that it was a new passage that I'd never heard before, but God used the person sharing the verse to bring me new insight, and it was something I needed to hear.  God gave Moses the responsibility of leading the Israelites and teaching them God's laws--a seriously important responsibility.  Moses had stood in God's presence, and daily he sacrificed himself in the Lord's service.  What he was doing was good, and no one could argue otherwise.

Except his father-in-law.  (Leave it to those in-laws, right? *wink*)  If you were Moses, and arguably had the most intimate relationship with the Living God of all the people in the land, and God spoke to you audibly and performed amazing signs and wonders through you, and entrusted you with the well-being and teaching of an entire nation of people, and you sacrificed yourself daily to this exceedingly difficult task, wouldn't you want a little pat on the back or an encouraging "What you do is good--keep it up"?  Wouldn't you be a little upset if a family member, who hadn't been with you on the long journey, and who probably wasn't even a believer in the same God (Jethro was a priest of Midian), showed up and said, "What you are doing is not good"???  Chalk it up to Moses' deep humility (which is attested to in Numbers 12:3) that he listened and took his father-in-law's advice. 

But the point I'm trying to make is that just as Moses needed help to perform his God-given responsibility, so do we need help with ours.  None of us is an island; God created us to be in community.  That is why we are called the body--parts of a whole, who work together for the betterment of both the whole and each part.  God can teach us and help us grow anywhere, at any time, through anyone, as long as we remain humble, open, teachable.  (Hey, this is not my strong suit here, so I'm certainly not preaching...just sharing what I'm learning!)

This week, I learned two valuable lessons from two different people, both of whom I'm not close to, and was blessed.  And that, I believe, is just a foretaste of one of the incredible benefits of living in community: to bless, and to be blessed; to sharpen, and to be sharpened; to help, and to be helped.