Inspiration in the Mundane

As I was driving home from errands today, passing by some distant neighbors on our road, I saw the coolest thing:

An old man in his wheelchair, in the middle of his yard, weed-whacking!

It was so inspirational to me, because probably most elderly people (or even younger people) who are confined to wheel chairs would think to themselves, "I can't do that," and leave it to someone else.  And that would be totally justifiable!  Who knows what his story is, but he was determined to not be confined or limited by his circumstances, and that is exceptional. 

I wanted to stop and cheer him on with a "Way to go!"...then wondered if I should instead offer to help...but with 3 tired kids in the car and 2 of them crying and a trunk full of perishable groceries, I resigned to cheer silently from behind the tinted windows of my minivan...re-inspired to be creative in the difficulties I face. 

The Moon's Best Friend

Goodness, it's been a long break!  So many life changes have kept me perpetually reeling and frantically trying to keep from drowning, let alone keep up!  Here's to another try at keeping this up!  (Birth story is coming soon!)

. . . 

Last night, we were driving home from a visit to the grandparents.  It was dark, and hot--so hot!--and the sky was clear with just a few clouds hovering at the perimeter of the horizon.  We watched God's fireworks as we drove--lightning of various colors and intensities flashing across the sky ahead and around us.  But the sky above was clear, and the moon was bright, and the stars were twinkling.  As the storm drew closer to us and we to it, we found ourselves pummeled under torrential downpours of beating rain, and temperatures cooled--praise God!! And the moon glimmered from behind the storm clouds.

Then, when we had passed through the rain, we could see the stark edge of the dark storm cloud, still flashing intermittent lightening; and directly next to the storm cloud gleamed the bright, clear, calm moon.  I wish I could have taken a picture...It was like the storm cloud and the moon were old pals, just hanging out enjoying the evening together.  The moon, at any rate, did not let the chaos and turbulence of the storm affect its calmness and peacefulness.  At times it was hidden by darkness; at times it was diffused and shrouded by clouds; at times it was crisp and clear.

The image of it just struck me so profoundly, though. How the storms of life, no matter how frightening or torrential they may be, are nothing more than a shroud preventing our eyes from seeing God's goodness.  His goodness never ceases.  The moon was unphased by the storm because the moon is above the storm...just as God is above the storms we face, and unphased by them.  His peace reigns supreme in chaos, and we can share that peace by trusting His goodness even when we can't see it.

In church, the pastor exhorted: "Never make the mistake of thinking that God not answering is God not being sovereign."  He gave the example of Joseph, how for years life just kept getting harder and harder for him, and it seemed God had deserted him.  But all the while, God was preparing him for a position in which he could save thousands of lives, including his own family, who had left him for dead.  He probably felt so abandoned and forgotten by God...useless...his life and his dreams wasted...promises of God failed...perhaps even questioning what he'd done wrong to deserve such punishment...But look what happened--overnight he went from prison-mate to prince.

Many of us are so familiar with Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"  He just doesn't say how long it might take to get there or which paths we'll have to tread.  I keep forgetting that that is what faith is for...

Some Thoughts on Easter Week

Happy Easter, all! 

The power and meaning of this day is unsurpassed--Christ is victorious, death is defeated!  What could be more important for souls doomed for eternal death, than the offer of eternal life?  And only for the cost of surrender. 

Last week, on Palm Sunday, the pastor of the church we attended discussed, "What is the meaning of Palm Sunday?"  I realized, and am ashamed to admit, that I never really thought about that (and I'm a Bible school graduate!)--it's always just been a fun time to wave palm branches around!  I was eager to hear his answer, and deeply moved by it.  Here it is, the true meaning of Palm Sunday:

"Before Jesus did what he said he would do, people acknowledged who he was."

I don't know about you, but this statement is powerful for me.  How often in my life do I falter in faith because I have to wait (heaven forbid!) for God to fulfill a promise, and I get all complainy and accuse God of not caring for me, and all other sorts of childish reactions.  Palm Sunday is about people believing in Jesus' claim and promise that he was the Messiah who would save them, before he had proven himself true, and asking in hope for him to fulfill his promise.  They cried, "Save us now, Victorious One!" 

The life of faith is all about this: Before we see it done, we declare it and we receive it. 

And today, on Easter Sunday, we remember that he did.  He did what he said he would do, as terrible as it was.  He is the Victorious One who has saved us.  May my faith increase as I wait on him to fulfill his other promises to me!

What's In A Church

Due to our frequent moving, it seems like we're on a perpetual church hunt.  It's fairly wearisome for us, for several reasons:

• Once we find a church we like and make connections with people, it's hard and sad to leave.
• Church hopping takes a lot of energy to research and plan where to go, followed by weeks of disappointment and eventual discouragement if we'll ever find a place to belong.
• It can be discouraging to see how widespread mediocrity, lukewarmness, and apathy are in the Church; it is amazingly hard to find a spiritually vibrant church, and we've been to A LOT.  This statement has been true for us in every location we've lived; it does not single out any particular geographic area.    
• It's harder with kids, because even if we find a church that we (the parents) like, it's often not a good fit for the kids, and visa versa.  
• We always have to revisit the question, "What is important to us in a church?"  This question is loaded, and usually takes us some time to figure out.    

We both tend to prefer the Episcopal tradition of church: Owen was raised in it, and I have grown to deeply appreciate the reverence, the tradition, the focus on Scripture, the congregational involvement in readings and prayers, and I also really love hymns!  A good Episcopal church, to me, seems very in tune with what church was like in antiquity.  The trouble we find, however, is that many churches in this denomination consist of a handful of elderly members just taking life easy in their comfortable pews...Now, there's nothing wrong with the elderly people!  They are always very kind and welcoming!  My point is more that the churches seem to be dying rather than thriving.  And, we also would like the opportunity to connect with people of all ages, including our own, and for our kids to not make up the entire Sunday School class.

a dying church (this picture seemed funny to me, I couldn't resist!)

In our recent search, we have been coming across all the same frustrations and were beginning to lose heart, until we did a Google search for "cool churches in (our current region)."  And, boy, did Google come through!  We found the coolest church ever, where the worship service is like a concert, complete with lights and smoke; the announcements are done via hip video; the kids' area has a giant built-in tree jungle gym; there's a fancy, staffed coffee shop in the foyer, along with leather couches and all kinds of "cool" things.

This photo is of the actual church I am discussing...so cool.

Our first time there, we kind of brushed it off as an over-the-top mega church that was more focused on the production of church than the meaning of it...But, the pastor's sermon was really good, so we went back...And again.  We've been there 3 times now, and we think we're going to stay, and here's why:

• First and foremost, beyond all the fanfare, this church is undeniably and unashamedly Bible-based and Spirit-driven.  There are no feel-good, easy messages, but always (ok, always in the 3 times we've been there!) words straight from God's Word leading to conviction and spiritual sharpening without condemnation.  And, it doesn't hurt that these messages are delivered in an interesting manner (boring or disorganized deliveries tend to distract us from the message behind it).  We come away feeling like we met God, and are excited to go back. 
• They're involved in their community and the world in ways that seem to really matter.  So, they practice what they preach.    
• The people are really friendly!  This aspect is so important and often overlooked.  It's amazing that even in such a large church, we are never allowed to disappear in the crowd--someone is always singling us out. 
• There are lots of kids!  And a healthy variety of people of all ages, including our own.  In addition, the kids' area is set up really nicely and the Sunday School helpers are kind (something you would expect yet is not always the case).  

So, for this phase of our lives, we're bidding adieu to traditional, liturgical church and embracing the cool, modern church.  Because that's where we found God's presence.  And that's what really matters.

Maintaining and Waiting

Okay, so life has been a little out-of-control busy for us for the last several months, so unfortunately the blog had to take a back burner.  I'm going to try to be more diligent now...

The exciting news in our lives right now is the much-anticipated and imminent birth of our third baby!  He is due immediately, and has been teasing us for weeks with the anticipation of an earlier arrival, and yet is still holding on tight to his comfortable little world.  In general, we are content to wait until he's ready; we certainly don't wish to force away from him his last few precious days in my womb, to which he can never return.  However, as I mentioned, he's also been teasing us for this whole month with various signs of impending labor, then retracting as if nothing happened.  The continued anticlimactic anticipation has been leaving us emotionally weary and confused, not to mention extra ready for him to come NOW!  We are just so excited to meet this little guy!

The other challenge I am having is the daily face-off with my nesting instinct.  Over the last several weeks, we've been crazy trying to get everything ready for baby: there were projects to accomplish, rooms to paint, baby gear to clean, and birth supplies to prepare, not to mention the usual housecleaning and home maintenance.  And nesting sometimes means needing things done that seem unnecessary to others!  For about two weeks we've had everything in satisfactory condition--by no means have we accomplished everything we would like, but at least the necessary things--and have been focusing on maintaining.  Daily we endeavor to keep our home and ourselves in optimal condition for the onset of labor, assuming it could happen at any moment.  We feel it is especially important since we are having a home birth and will be welcoming various different people into our home for assistance during the birth.

Our home needs to be clean.  Our bodies need to be rested.  Our supplies and preparations need to be ready.  This sort of maintaining is surprisingly draining (perhaps mostly mentally) and takes a great amount of effort!  To continually be ready takes a plan, great focus, dedication, consistency, and patience.  It takes effort to refuel dashed excitements.  And it takes the strength to overcome discouraging thoughts when your readiness is not rewarded.

This focus on being continually ready has been making me think quite a bit about Matthew 25 and the Parable of the Ten Virgins, where Jesus exhorts us to "keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour" (Matt. 25:13).  Just like this baby, we know Jesus' coming is imminent, but we don't know when.  We must keep ourselves continually ready by developing a plan, focus, dedication, consistency, and patience, and the strength to overcome discouragement.  It's hard.  It's really hard.  But we know that soon our diligence will be rewarded!

Nondescript

There's nothing much to report, and no new ideas in my head; I just thought I should try to post more consistently, and so here I am...

We're still just hobbling along, working out how to survive in the place in life we find ourselves.  We're still in the thick of conquering house and boxes, making progress at a deafeningly slow speed.  I find it a bit sad--we've been here for a month, and I've actually cooked dinner only 3 times.  I just take comfort that, considering the state of our house, 3 times is awfully amazing! 

Some good news:  Owen got a job!  It's a temporary job that doesn't pay quite what we need, but it's something to get us through until something better comes along. 

Tonight we went on a dark night exploration outside, with only flashlights and the stars to guide us.  The kids were brave explorers through the dark field beyond our house, and were eager to find bats and monsters.  However, they wisely suggested we wait until daylight to explore the huge, creepy barn (which is locked with heavy chains...and yet Owen may have found a way in?).  Swarms of real bats just aren't as much fun as a pretend single bat...and we all know that bats exist on these grounds!  Safita brought along her lights-and-sounds Percy the train toy, because he has a (tiny and insignificant) light--but very smart on her part.  When we heard a real train blow its whistle on the not-so-distant tracks, she "toot-tooted" Percy's whistle right back at it, to say hello. 

Our little Baby Blue is still as active as ever.  The kids both seem to have come around to the idea of a boy.  Jack doesn't contradict the baby's gender anymore, but he does often say, "After we have a baby boy, then our next baby will be a girl."  And Safita is just in love with the idea of a baby, period!  Every time we talk about "the baby," she'll exclaim, "Baby BOOYYY!"  Her most recent favorite game is pretending Jack is a baby; she holds him on her lap, rocks him, and covers him in hugs and kisses.  He graciously plays along and does a very good job imitating a baby.  Jack likes to snuggle next to me on the couch and wrap his arm across my belly to try to feel the baby, and he'll ask me all sorts of questions about the baby and this whole pregnancy process.  They both are very sweet. 

We're all sorting and re-sorting through our list of boy names, which has been more of a challenge this time around.  With the other two, we just knew...And this time around, we were 100% prepared for twin girls (at least in the name department), but a boy--I don't know.  We have ideas and names we like, but so far nothing strikes us (or should I say, me) as being right.  I feel like throughout the pregnancy I start to get a feel for who this little person is inside me, and some names seem right and some don't.  I also find great importance in the meanings of names, but the names whose meanings fit this child are not our favorites, and the names that ARE our favorites have meanings that don't seem to fit this child.  What to do?  Well, a name is important, so we're praying for direction. 

Wishing you all a blessed week!

A Wee Little Surprise

Last week we had our first midwife appointment in our new location.  I do hate having to always find a new midwife, because you really develop a relationship with a midwife (as opposed to a doctor who's in-and-out), and we loved the last 2 that we had.  It's kind of similar, in a way, to a romantic relationship, in the sense that you're always comparing the new one to the old ones with what you like better and what you don't...and I start to feel nostalgic and miss the old ones, even if I fully love the new one. 

8 weeks

We are limited here in our new location, as the closest midwife is 1 hour 15 minutes away (praying labor doesn't go TOO fast!), so we feel like we really only have one option.  This past appointment was in reality just a consultation to see if we liked her and visa versa, but since I was already 19 weeks along, she also went ahead and did a check-up.  And it was a rather exciting checkup...

12 weeks

As a bit of background, there has been a little bit of confusion in this pregnancy up til now.  My uterus size and position has been measuring larger and higher than it should, causing the midwife to wonder if I was farther along than we thought.  In addition, my pregnancy symptoms have been much stronger for this entire pregnancy, and I've been feeling pretty much constant movement for the last few weeks.  All of these factors caused our newest midwife to question multiples, which I had actually been suspicious of for some time. 

16 weeks

Then, during the check-up last week, we heard 2 distinct heartbeats in 2 different locations with 2 different heartbeat rates...I can't even tell you how thrilling that was--and also terrifying!  The midwife did tell us that the heartbeats didn't necessarily mean twins:  It is possible for the baby to move really fast and for the heart rate to change within seconds.  But the evidence seemed so convincing, I just couldn't imagine that it WASN'T twins!

20 weeks (current)

20 weeks with Jack

20 weeks with Safita

 Today was the day we found out for sure.  It was momentous...

And.....

Surprisingly, there is only one baby.  Apparently a large and very active baby.  (Considering my last baby weighed in at 9 lbs 11 oz, and they supposedly get successively bigger, I'm a little concerned!)  We also found out that it's a boy!!!  We are very excited for a new baby boy (!!), but it's also taking some time to readjust our mindset about this baby, because I was convinced it was either twins or a girl, because of how I've been feeling.  The kids also desperately wanted a baby girl, and Jack is still in denial.  When the ultrasound technician announced it was a boy, Jack contradicted with great certainty, "No it's not!  It's a girl!"  He seems to be coming around, though, since we've been telling him how fun it will be to have a superhero playmate and how the boys can outnumber the girls, etc.  And it was Jack who initially nick-named this baby "Baby Blue," which seems a bit intuitive about the gender!

Baby's profile with hand up by his face

top of Baby's face--super cute, even if the ultrasound quality makes it look creepy!

Now we get to have fun picking out a boy name before we welcome this little one into our arms somewhere around March 27!