I Feel Like We Live in a Bat Cave

Today we finished the fourth and final round of the rabies vaccine, and I am SO thankful it is over!  We have shied away from the normal (aggressive) vaccine schedule because of concern over the potentially harmful side effects (from definitively harmful ingredients), and so giving these tiny children such an intense vaccine has been incredibly hard on me.  Stressful, scary, emotionally trying, a huge exercise in trusting God.

All this trauma is due to bats.  Ridiculous bats who think the foam ceiling in our big "red room" is a great place to call home.  The house we currently live in is old, and not well-built, and has holes and crevices everywhere...and so we've had a lot of problems with critters of all kinds.  We first were introduced to the bat problem last November, but we were able to catch the bat and remove it, and didn't see more for several months.  We heard them in the ceiling, but assumed it was mice.  We now know better.

this is how I envision the space between the ceiling and the roof!

The bats, of course, decided that the perfect time to reintroduce themselves was during the 2 1/2 weeks that Owen was overseas and I was home alone with the children.  And they opted for the big-impact introduction by waking me at 3am flying low circles over my head.  I think there were two, but honestly, I'm just not sure; it was pretty disorienting and I woke in a frenzy!  The baby had been nursing, and so, of course, was lying next to me.

Over the next couple weeks, they continued to come out at night, flying circles through the house, but also seeking me out specifically as if to taunt me or stake their claim on this living space.  I would immediately follow them to try to catch them, but they always disappeared into thin air.  One night, I was successful in locating their nest entrance, which is in the corner of the ceiling above Owen's office...where he often works at night...c  r  e  e  p  y...

I was grossed out, for sure, and dedicated to finding a resolution to the problem.  However, until several people raised concerns about our health and safety, I have to admit I hadn't really thought about that.  I started researching about interactions with bats, and grew increasingly alarmed at what I read!  The rabies scare was especially alarming.  So, I decided it would be best to just go to the doctor to talk it over, but our regular family doctor doesn't deal with rabies cases, so they referred us to the ER.  I felt silly going to the ER for something that may not even be an issue, but we went with it--better safe than sorry, right?

why are these guys so cute??

The ER had to call the Health Department, and the director there had to interview me about our situation to determine our need (because they help pay for the vaccines)...They determined that we should get the vaccine to be safe, because:

Bats are huge carriers of rabies.  Bat bites and scratches can be completely indiscernible, and can occur while you're sleeping without you even knowing.  By the time symptoms of rabies start to appear (anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months), it's too late to treat, and it's always fatal.  Since the disease attacks your nervous system, there is no test that can determine if you have it, except post-mortem.  Therefore, the vaccine is recommended to anyone, especially children, who have found bats in their room while sleeping...I also read somewhere (not sure of the source) that bat feces, if handled, can cause paralysis and sudden death, and we do have their droppings around...But on the other side, it's an intense vaccine that carries a risk of neurological damage.

how I think of bats right now, haha

I really struggled with this decision.  It seemed like an impossible decision, like a gamble with my children's lives!  How can I choose between death or permanent handicap?  I lose them either way.  Obviously, that is a worst-case-scenario mindset...It's possible the bats we have in our house don't have rabies.  It's also possible that the bats never touched any of us.  We just don't know.  So after much wrestling, and frantic calls for support, I knew I couldn't bear to live the next 6 months in fear, not knowing if one day one (or more) of my children would show symptoms of rabies, and die painfully before my eyes with me being helpless to do anything.  Every cough or sniffle or headache from here on out would have me paralyzed with fear...I couldn't do it.  We placed ourselves in God's hands and have been praying like madmen that He will protect us from any adverse reactions.  So far, we've all seemed well, until tonight, when poor Soren kept waking from sleep screaming and writhing in pain, unable to be comforted!  The kids get the same dose as I do, so I can only imagine how it's affecting their little bodies!

I'm scared.  I feel helpless.  It's my job to protect these little treasures, and it's killing me that I can't!  And so God is teaching me the hard way, that I must trust that He loves them more and He is able to protect them.  I must, not out of legalism, to merely obey the command to "trust in the Lord;" I must, because it's the only way I will survive.  Surely the One who grew their bodies one cell at a time and breathed the life into their bodies is able to protect and sustain them.  His call to trust and faith, I'm realizing in my need, is less an order and more a kindness--a promise that He is able and willing to help.  I'm trying to remember that my awareness of the danger doesn't change His power to protect us.  He knows, even when I do not; He knew the bats were there long before I had any idea, and He protected us all along, before I knew to pray. 

The Habit of Meeting Together

I'm still glowing from another encouraging meeting with my spiritual mentor, with whom I meet weekly.  I've always known and been taught that it was a good thing to have one, and tried a couple of times to pursue it, but never experienced the value of it working, as I imagine God intended.

Can I say, this practice of meeting together (and I don't mean church) is one of the most spiritually significant and growing experiences of my life.  I have almost never (with one exception) experienced God so deeply or so real or so effectively as the 2 times in my life that I have connected with a spiritual mentor whom God had ordained for me.  I say it that way because not all mentors are created equally, nor are all a good match for anyone.  A mentor, like a spouse, can change your life, and should be chosen prayerfully.

Perhaps this is why the author of Hebrews felt compelled to exhort, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching" (Heb. 10:25).

Let me share just a handful of the ways I've been encouraged by meeting with a mentor:

• I'm learning how to translate spiritual truth into earthly reality.
• I'm learning how to live by God's standard without succumbing to paralyzing legalism.  This is a great nemesis of the Church.
• I'm recognizing my God-given strengths and how my insecurities/weaknesses are usually a spiritual attack on those strengths...and how to recognize and combat the attacks. 
• I'm regularly seeing God through another human being, which is incredible and makes God more real to me (as opposed to a far-off Spirit whom we can never see or touch or understand)--God, a gracious, loving, non-condemning, encouraging, Father who convicts and guides in the most tender way; not the elitist, harsh, untouchable, strict taskmaster God that we too often mistakenly believe Him to be.
• I'm benefiting from a fellow believer who's more mature and experienced, who can bring sense to my confusions and teach me in a practical way how to walk with God
• I'm encouraged simply by having someone who always believes in me, who sees value and growth in what I see as failure, who reacts joyfully to my tiny baby steps as if they're giant leaps.
• I'm learning, myself, to how to use encouragement rather than negativity or condemnation to exhort others in the way they should go.  I'm seriously astounded how my mentor can show me areas in my life where I need to change and grow, and simultaneously cause me to feel like I'm the most amazing and special person on the planet.  I mean, who can do that?  I've never met anyone before who can point out my flaws in a way that makes me feel like a million bucks!  That's how I want to be...so I'm taking notes!
• I'm learning what it means to train up my children in the way of the Lord...Even though this person is not my parent and I am not their child, the relationship of gleaning wisdom is in some ways similar to the parent-child relationship, and as the recipient I am starting to understand what that parental exhortation really means.  
• I'm learning how to let go of my perfectionism in order to claim God's, and stepping out from under that giant thumb of oppression (i.e., perfectionism).
• I'm learning how to be the wife God has called me to be, how to love and respect my husband...and it's revolutionizing our marriage (from my perspective, at least--perhaps we should get comment from the hubby??)
• I'm learning to be at peace with myself, and not expect more than I should; to slow down the pace and grow one step at a time.
• I'm beginning to really understand that God believes in me.  He's rooting for me to win, not sitting there with arms folded waiting for me to inevitably fail.  There's nothing I can do to drive myself away from His love.  That is life-changing. 

I encourage you:  You are amazing and deserve to be blessed--so go out and get a spiritual mentor!!

Chasing Opportunity

An opportunity has recently presented itself...An opportunity which may very well turn out to be wildly beneficial to us.  But which may, also, not. 

I'm being vague on purpose.  With my sincerest apologies.

The opportunity to which I refer is something that seems, to our logical minds, in our current situation, to be necessary and wise; but we also clearly see how it could be convincingly argued to the contrary.  We are diligently praying for God's wisdom, and praying equally earnestly that we have the clarity of spirit to discern His wisdom, because what we're presented with would feel (i.e., not be in actuality, merely a temporary soothing) like one step closer to the fulfillment of the deep longings of our hearts (and sometimes that clouds our minds).

This is not something that we can control by our own decisions, however, and so we continue to wait on God and see what He will bring about.  Many impossible-seeming events must happen between our current state and this opportunity becoming reality.  Opportunities are exciting, but only God can bring them to fruition, and we wait expectantly to see how He will choose to provide.  Perhaps, at times, too expectantly!

We welcome and thank you in advance for your prayers on our behalf in this--albeit vague--matter!